Ant Farm:

Today I read Ant Farm and Other Desperate Situations, a short collection of humorous vignettes by Simon Rich, a recent Harvard grad and the former president of The Harvard Lampoon. I had read about his book before -- in reviews and other publicity that usually surrounds young authors, and had also seen some excerpts from his work in The New Yorker.

It's great stuff, and I almost feel bad using words like "vignettes" and "excerpts" because it makes the stuff sound too stodgy. This short (138 pages) book is meant to be read with a light heart, a willing laugh, and a fresh but not too fond memory of adolescence.

Here's one piece I particularly like:

Medieval England

In medieval England, all measurements were based on the king's body parts.

AT THE CRICKET MATCH

-- Wow, he tossed that over thirty feet!
-- Thirty Henry feet?
-- No. Thirty James feet.
-- Oh. That's only ten Henry feet.
-- I know. Or five Henry thumbs.
-- Henry was a terrifying man.
-- Let's not talk about him.

AT THE TAILOR

-- I'd like a suit.
-- No problem. How tall are you?
-- Let's see...about one king tall.
-- Can you be more specific?
-- Well, actually, no.
-- Dammit.
-- I also need some gloves. My hands are...about one hand long.
-- Yes, I can see that.

AT THE DOCTOR

-- Your blood pressure is two Henrys.
-- Is that good or bad?
-- It's really bad.

Also, this one, which I had already seen before in The New Yorker, but I think may be one of the funniest things I've ever read:

A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table

MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.

In addition to Ant Farm, Simon Rich has another book which will come out at some point in the next year or two. Stay tuned.